Reflecting….

Its 2011, a new year, new outlook on life… new goals. This blog is all about learning and growing… so I’m beginning to reanalyze myself, re-find myself because I think I got lost somewhere along the way. Its easy to get distracted in life. There are so many temptations that make it easy to get lost.. And I think I got lost.

2010 turned out to be really amazing in retrospect. I got to go to SDCC to see Smallville. That was such an AMAZING experience! I’m so grateful that I could go. This blog is about finding myself and Smallville is a large part of myself. Sure it’s a tv show, but we go way back lol I’m not gonna  go into anything super personal and only a few of you will know what I’m referring to… but I’ve grown up with it. We’ve been through so many relationships together (Smallville and I) and so far we’re the only ones still standing.  Yes, I’m sure I sound crazy right now, but it’s the truth. This show has been with me through it all. Its my escape to a better world with hope and love, how can that be bad?

I’ve come to realize that I don’t really know myself. I’m not confident in my own skin. I know what I want to be, but sometimes its hard for me to get there.. Or maybe I am there and I’m just too blind to see it. One thing I notice about myself is that I tend to live in the future. I’m always wishing time away to get to what I’m waiting for. I rarely take time to stop and smell the roses, so to speak. This probably should be fixed, but I can’t promise that it will be.

Heroes. I have several of them and they are very important to me. They embody what I wish to become. They are wonderful people, flawed of course, but who isn’t? Still, I look up to them so much… and because of that, I get lost here too. There’s this quote from a wonderful little musical that applies here, “I wanted to become an actress, but what I really wanted was to be someone else”.  Do I really know what I want to become? Or do I just want to keep pretending, keep the facade?

Sometimes I get so caught up in these distractions, I lose what’s right in front of me, family…. friends… my life. I want this life in my head SO badly, I lose what I have. I guess until I find a balance between both worlds, I’ll be lost forever….